Tonight, I am performing my “future portraits” piece at Concord Space.
I am performing this particular piece because I am scared of and interested in confrontation– how we talk to each other non-verbally and where our minds go with certain visceral judgements. I am especially scared/interested in the documentation process. How will my muse feel about my power to document him/her? How long will I allow them to sit before I feel uneasy about my power to document?
Portraiture is as much about control and systems as anything else.
Portraiture has its own emotional frequency or government.
I hope to remember– It is my responsibility to be fair when designing future portraits, to look at my own preconceptions and push past these into the future.
This is not just about the subject, but myself as well– trying to move on. What does the subject bring up in me? Where does my mind go– how do I fantasize about the subject? What makes me feel uncertain about the subject? What do I admire in the subject? How can I push past these personal biases and try to get to the heart or dream of the subject? Can our imaginations be objective? If so, how?
Don’t forget to just let go and embrace whimsy.
No matter where my subjects go, I will go too. This is a promise– not to judge or capture, but to hold hands. It is my world they will inhabit and I need to remember this in terms of building another space for us. I want to be a pleasant host in the dream.
Right now, I have doubts about my ability to do these portraits as an impromptu exercise in writing or conceptual art– especially in front of an audience– however, I am happy to have the opportunity to be nervous, feel insecure, and to challenge these negative feelings into an actual artful experience. Fail or succeed– my hope is to be playful tonight– to be open– to be honest– to have fun.
Revising Loneliness 
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